After my fiancé Jack proposed
to me, we decided to get married in his home country of Kenya. I knew it was
going to be an interesting experience, but I had no idea what an absolute adventure
it would be. From the city to safari, from high society to shantytowns, from
popping bottles in clubs to feeding children in the slums and everything in
between, we had the time of our lives.
Planning a destination wedding
isn’t easy, but my future mother-in-law and I coordinated via phone, email,
text and Skype. We agreed to have both a traditional Kikuyu wedding, an ngurario, and an American/Kenyan style
wedding in Nairobi National Park. The months leading up to the wedding were frantic,
but our excitement was so contagious that by the time we left, we were blessed
to have over twenty friends, family, sisters and brothers coming with us. A
week before we left, several sisters threw an amazing wedding shower for Jack
and I so that we could celebrate with those who couldn’t make it to Africa.
After a fourteen hour flight,
we landed in Nairobi, – the Green City in the Sun - exhausted but eager to
explore. For many of us, it was our first time out of the country – and boy,
did it show! We took pictures of everything - people walking, billboards,
trees, houses, the dirt, buildings. The feeling was surreal. We were in AFRICA,
the motherland, a magical place that’s usually described in hushed tones of
wonderment – yet it felt like a city in the United States. There were
differences, to be sure, but we loved that 7,000 miles away from home, the
people were just like us.
Those first few days were jam
packed. In the mornings and afternoons, we went to the African Fund For
Endangered Wildlife (a.k.a. The Giraffe Center), the David Sheldrick elephant
orphanage, a crocodile farm in Mamba Village, watched a performance at Safari
Park restaurant (where we ate crocodile, ostrich and camel!), toured the city
and at night, we partied all over Nairobi, especially on the infamous Electric
Avenue. We also went to the Shangilia Orphanage and donated clothes and school supplies.
Compared to living conditions in the US, the place was rough, but the children
were happy because they had a home, had food, had education and were loved. The
school is internationally known for their youth choir, Shangilia Mtoto
Wa Africa (Rejoice, Child of Africa) and we were treated to a performance.
A few days before our traditional wedding, we
had the dowry negotiations, which the Kikuyu refer to as ruracio. It may seem odd that a modern woman such as myself would
be involved in dowry, but it’s not about the money. Rather, it’s an opportunity
for the two families to come together and get to know each other. The ruracio can last anywhere from months to
two years, but because of time limitations, we did it in one day – and what a
day it was! Each family had representatives and for about six hours, there was
good-natured arguing back and forth about what my dowry would be there. There
was food, drinks and lots of laughter. The representatives were speaking a
mixture of English, Swahili and Kikuyu, so I didn’t understand everything that
was being said, but I do know that I ended up being worth 90 goats! My parents
were inducted into the clan as elders and we received Kikuyu names – my father
is Kariuki, my mother is Muthoni and I am Wambui.
I was nervous when the day came for the ngurario. I wasn’t 100% sure what I was
supposed to be doing, but I was assured that everything would be fine. Though I
had butterflies in my stomach, I was excited about the ceremony. The ngurario had almost died out for a while
because of colonialism and British bans on traditional customs, but the people
kept it alive and there was a recent resurgence in interest about the old ways.
My mother-in-law explained to me that many of the younger generation had never
seen an ngurario, so our ceremony,
with its 300+ guests, was being used to show people how it was supposed to be
done.
In the morning, Jack went with his some of
his groomsmen to kill and skin the goats we would be eating later that night.
Thankfully, I did not have to watch and spent that time getting ready with my
bridesmaids, two of whom were my chapter sisters. We wore traditional clothing
and I was struck by how similar it was to Native American attire. We had the
ceremony at my husband’s aunt’s estate. In between the eating, drinking and
dancing, we had to perform certain acts, almost like a play. One of them was
when my bridesmaids and I came out, heads & bodies covered in kikoys (colorful wraps) and Jack and his
groomsmen had to figure out which one was me. If they got it wrong, he would
owe more money towards my dowry (ka-CHING!). Luckily for him (but unluckily for
me!), he choose correctly. After that, Jack and I cut the shoulder of the goat,
which represented him carrying the burdens in our relationship. We performed a
few more ceremonies and then partied all night.
The day after the ngurario, a group of 24 of us went on safari. Safari is the Swahili word for journey and indeed it was. It took
six hours to drive from Nairobi to Masai Mara and the closer we got, the less
roads there were. It was hot and dusty since August is the dry season, but I
couldn’t keep my eyes off the landscape. The flora and fauna is so diverse –
literally, every few miles, the plants would change, both subtly and
dramatically. I loved seeing the villages and how people lived outside the city
and I was shocked when I saw giraffes wandering down the road. At one rest
stop, we looked at the Great Rift Valley, which dwarfs the Grand Canyon by
leaps and bounds.
I tricked the Americans and told them that we
would be roughing it, would have to set up our tents ourselves and that there
would be rangers with guns to protect us from the animals. Imagine their
surprise when they showed up to Ashnil Mara Lodge, which had luxury tents, a
pool, a bar and all-you-can-eat food! Our tents were right on the Mara River
and we could hear hippos all day. When the lights went off at midnight, we
could clearly see the Milky Way and an astounding amount of stars. One of the
men who worked there was a Masai warrior and he regaled us with stories of killing
a lion with a spear and a stick and of his impending marriage to his second
wife. While the rest of the group went to a Masai village, I stayed behind with
Jack and heard the most beautiful bird song I could ever imagine.
Words cannot describe the experience of being
on safari. We were on the equator and at the bottom of the Great Rift Valley.
The air was fresh and your soul feels so free at all the open land. We were
there for three days and went on three game-drives a day. We saw four out of
the Big Five – lions, elephants, leopards and cape buffalo. In August, there is
a great migration of millions of wildebeests and zebras from the Serengeti in
Tanzania to Masai Mara in Kenya and we were privileged to witness the beginning
of it. We also saw hyenas, impalas, roadrunners, giraffes, vultures, crocodiles
and animals I can’t even name. One of the drivers took us to see the Mara River
and told us that it is one of the sources of Lake Victoria, which is the source
of The Nile. He explained how the river originates from the Mau Forest and that
if the forest is cut down, the river will dry up and The Nile will be
negatively affected. It made us realize how interconnected the world is.
After coming back from Masai Mara, we went to
the St. Martin School, an orphanage and school for children in the Kibagare
Slums in Nairobi. This was one of the
most emotional, sobering moments of our lives. We thought we'd just be visiting
the school children like at Shangilia, but found out we'd be feeding the street
children too. We didn't have enough food and could only give each child half a
slice of bread and a few pieces of popcorn. I won't lie - I broke down, as did
most of us.
When
the children saw that the food was running out, they started going crazy, going
from orderly to swarming over us. What can you do in this situation? You can't
get mad because you know the children are hungry. The director used a ruler to
get the children back in line and a little girl was knocked down when the
children were running. My sister helped her up, but she kept crying.
When
the food was gone, we were standing in front of our bus, feeling overwhelmed
& helpless in the face of all that suffering. The nun in charge, Sister
Leah Wambui Kimani, told us that the best thing we could do for the children
was to sponsor their education. It costs 14,000 Kenyan shillings, or about $180
a year to pay school costs. As we
were about to leave, my mother asked the director if we could see the little
girl who fell down. The director found her and my sister gave her a piece of
chocolate, but she was still crying. I asked for her name and the director
found out that it was Lucy Makungo. When
I got back to the US, I contacted the school and told them I wanted to sponsor
Lucy. The school sends me her report cards and I am proud to say that she is a
great student. My friends and family have generously donated and in addition to
paying for a second year of schooling, I was able to go back the next year and
give her family food, clean water, gifts and money, with extra left over to
donate to the school.
Our American/Kenyan
wedding was something the country had never seen before. My mother-in-law was
able to have it in Nairobi National Park, a wildlife park. Yes, a wildlife park. Driving in, we saw
crocodiles, buffalo, giraffes, zebras, a rhino and an eland. There were ten
game rangers with guns surrounding the wedding to make sure we were not
attacked. The location was on a cliff overlooking the plains, at a landmark
that had been raised when Kenya gained its independence from Britain. The
ceremony was a fusion of American and Kenyan traditions. When the pastor
announced us as man and wife, we jumped over the broom, an African-American
tradition, then danced up the aisle to Luhya music. The 300+ guests came from
all over Kenya, Africa and the United States. I have never felt so blessed in
my life.
We ended our trip on
honeymoon in Zanzibar (part of the Spice Islands), an island off the coast of
Tanzania. White sand beaches, warm Indian Ocean water, year-round exquisite
weather – the place is a paradise. We went snorkeling on islands that
disappeared at high tide and saw tortoises that were nearly 200 years old. Walking
through Stone Town, the capital city and a UNESCO World Heritage Site, I felt
like I was in the movie Aladdin. The architecture was a mixture of Moorish,
Arab, Persian, Indian and Europeans elements topped off with modernity –
internet cafes were everywhere. It is primarily a Muslim country and we were
there during Ramadan. I loved hearing the muezzins
lead the call to prayer and the people were a striking mix of Arab and African.
My trip to Africa was
a life changing event. My husband and I come from two continents with two
different cultures, but for us, it’s all One Love.
Jen Rencher Ndombi
Siksika Chapter - William Paterson University
Mu Sigma Upsilon Sorority Incorporated
